Atleast not in places it could be found.

I know I never really update this thing, mainly because I'm busy, and don't have time for writing or anything else. My current art form is acting... and yeah can't really show that on here.

But, I have some things on my chest that I can't really write about anywhere else, because well they'd be found.

I'm with this guy, and I have been for two years now. And for two years he's been continually cheating on me. And for two years, I have been uterly faithful to him. Only he doesn't know that, he thinks that I have been cheating as well. Because, well he encourages me to go out and sleep with other people, and if I don't he fights with me, I guess he feels less guilty or something if I'm cheating too.

So for two years... I've been pretending to sleep with other people, which of course causes more fights. Because, while I don't care that he's sleeping with other people... he gets annoyed everytime that he thinks that I do.

Last night, I think I took it too far, and now he's really pissed at me for "sleeping" with someone I didn't actually sleep with. I just said that I did because I had just confronted him about lying yet again about sleeping with someone.. so I once again pretended I was too... so he would shut the fuck up.

In actuality, in these two years.. I've fucked one other person. and he's fucked atleast four...

We're supposed to be getting married in October. But I really don't think we should. I mean I do love him. But I don't think that i'm ever going to be able to make him happy.

I don't think that I am ever going to be enough for him. He's always going to want to fuck other people, and he probably always will fuck other people... because I am a failure, and I'm not good enough.. and I'm obviously not what he wants.

He says that he loves me, but he's got a pretty messed up way of showing it.

I graduate college in a week, and I'm supposed to go move in with him then... but I really don't think I should... I don't see this ending in anything but heartbreak.

And honestly, my heart has been breaking a little bit every day for the past couple months... I don't think I can take anymore.

I tried, really hard.. but I don't think I can be strong anymore.

I think it's time, to end things.

Guess the third time isn't a charm.